I read a little of your story today and it broke my heart. I see you wearing courage and faith openly, but I know you’re hurting, suffering, and perhaps afraid. I want to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. That I’m praying for you? I am. But how many times a day do you hear that?
Whenever I see you, I think of Karlette, my little sister. The loss of her. The grief that still challenges every waking minute. The sorrow that changed me. That changed all who really knew her in unspeakable ways. Knowing this very real loss of her, I cannot offer you empty platitudes and mere words. I will not ever say to you what many cancer patients often hear: “You’re a fighter. You will make it. You will come through this.”
I don’t know that. Neither of us do. Unless we are speaking of a future in the heavenly realms, earth offers no guarantees. Faith that can move mountains assures us that God is faithful. But. Faithful God allows grief, disappointment, and sorrow. No matter how unfair or mean or downright unacceptable it seems to us—faithful God says, “some sicknesses are unto death, some for testimony.” This can be a hard, hard pill to swallow. But it is truth.
I wouldn’t say any of that to you either. You already know it. You began this difficult line of thinking when you first heard the diagnosis or when the treatments did not bring desired results.
Then, I remember a conversation with Karlette on one of my visits. In 2011 or 2012. She had so many battles, so I’m not sure of the year. She was weary of people seeing her as a cancer patient, as a cancer victim. When people saw her, she felt, they saw cancer and not her. She wanted to talk about MORE than that. She was so much more than that, but when cancer takes over your body and your life and you can barely lift your head most days, even you begin to wonder. I remember saying to her—you are not your cancer. Or maybe, she said to me–I am not my cancer.
I say it to you–you are not your cancer. You are more than this disease that disrupted your happiness and altered your life so completely that you are no longer who you were. I say to you–embrace the uncertainty. Live and dance and love in beauty and in the sacredness of your being, and be everything you are in this moment. Only this moment is sure.