Still. Covered.

“Be Still,” mixed media art by Lisa Larson

Thanksgiving Break ends today. The break I looked forward to since September. Time to be still and allow at least some healing to take place. A little time to just be and allow my grief to spill out without having to hold back or rein it in, without the persistent demands of first-year students or the expectations of colleagues.

But.

That didn’t happen. I’ll spare you the details of the “instead,” but tonight, I was noting how things sometimes come in a torrent. Without warning. The storm beats on us relentlessly and we can hardly catch our breath between lightning strikes. We want to do something, but the only thing we can do is take cover.

And that’s what I did.

I took cover from doctors who spoke doom and gloom. I took cover from the constant barrage of questions and requests from students (yes, during the break). I took cover from fear of all the “what ifs.” I took cover from the emotions that surged to the surface when my bestie told me she lost yet another person in her life to cancer. I took cover when my other bestie got a “not good” prognosis for her mother’s condition. I took cover when yet another bolt of lightning struck just yesterday. I took cover when the little frustrations of life were sure to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

I took cover in the Word of God, in the knowledge and experience of who He is, and I rested in His embrace.  I found shelter there because when faced with the impossible, there’s nowhere else to be.

Some time last week, I received the card above from one of my dearest and most constant friends. It felt like a warm and much-needed hug, the hug that says, “I know…and this is the way through.”

I’ve been on a journey with stillness for years now. Some days, I’ve mastered stillness. Others…I stand in place, fretting and fidgeting. The card arrived when I was feeling the full brunt of all of the impossibilities that life has become, when all the disappointments were dancing before me and taunting, tempting me to fall apart. It was my call to do nothing. Be still. Relax against the onslaught and simply hold on to the God who will not, cannot let me go.

And that’s where I am tonight as I face the grueling last days of the semester with all the stuff that was there before and all the stuff that came up since…

Still. Covered.

20 thoughts on “Still. Covered.”

  1. Christine Brooks says:
    Reply

    I do hope your night sleep will bring you peace and the calm.to starts new week. You have been through a lot and need to take care of yourself and yours. You have done well, keep up the good work.
    The card is beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

  3. franhunne4u says:
    Reply

    Hey, look at it this way: You do not have to fret over How to invest 90 million dollars – you have not won the Euro-lottery.
    You do not have to worry about your sisters’ health anymore – God took care of that. Yes, it hurts but he took away from you what you could not carry anymore – the fretting and the hoping (hope is cruel) – being crushed again. The fear and the anxiety. The empathy with your suffering siblings.
    Your sisters are well looked after now, without pain, without fear, without anger – but not without love. One day (for your son and yourself hopefully) far far away, you will be reunited with them. That is the power of our Lord, that he promises you to reunite you with those that passed before us. Do not grudge them that they have gone before and you are still here to carry on, or abusing the words of Clapton, who wrote his song after his son had died:

    They will know you name
    when they see you in heaven
    it will be the same
    when you see them in heaven
    You must be strong
    and carry on
    because for now you don’t belong
    there in heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

      • franhunne4u says:

        Trust me, money is overrated. You have a loving husband and your son brings sunshine into your life. You have a very strong faith and a loving, close knitted family. You have a good job at a public employer – it pays, if not luxuriously. You really do not need an insane amount of money to be happier. Yes, you could concentrate on other things than your job – but hey, you might hate some aspects of your job, but you also love it – and to have something regular going on in ones life is a plus.

        Liked by 1 person

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