The Strawberry Blonde
“Are you happy?”
“In all honesty? No. But I am curious – I am curious in my sadness, and I am curious in my joy. I am everseeking, everfeeling. I am in awe of the beautiful moments life gives us, and I am in awe of the difficult ones. I am transfixed by grief, by growth. It is all so stunning, so rich, and I will never convince myself that I cannot be somber, cannot be hurt, cannot be overjoyed. I want to feel it all – I don’t want to cover it up or numb it. So no, I am not happy. I am open, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Seeds Planted in Concrete
Have you ever been asked “Are you happy?” and wondered how you should answer. To answer with an emphatic “Yes!” is almost dishonest, and to answer “No” places you and the inquirer in an awkward moment.
Obviously, we can’t be happy all the time. However, we place a lot of expectation on that one fleeting emotion, or a lot of pressure on ourselves for not feeling “up” most of the time–as if something’s wrong with us if we experience sadness, frustration, or even ingratitude. Of course, we want to stay in neither of those places for too long. Sometimes, though, we just have to lean in, sit with a particular feeling, and not rush it along because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
There’s a lot going on these days [read: months], and we’re feeling all kinds of things–fear, sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety, even joy. Instead of running from our feelings, we can allow ourselves to feel all the feelings and to even be “curious” in them.
About the Image: The sunflower featured in the photo above is a hybrid sunflower called “Strawberry Blonde.” It was one of the beauties I captured at Scott’s Orchard on the gorgeous October day when I found Moulin Rouge.
Pics and Posts 
Perfect timing for this quote! 🦋
Great photo.
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Thanks, Cy!
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Fine food for thought, Chandra Lynn. For a tangent thread, you might try my blog entry on “Pleasure and Happiness” 🙂 https://shakemyheadhollow.wordpress.com/2013/06/24/pleasure-and-happiness/
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Thanks for sharing your post. I’m woefully behind on my blog reading, as you can probably guess. I’ve opened it to view later this evening.
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No prob. Take your time. I want it to be fun, not work 🙂
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It _was_ a fun read! I remember writing a paper in graduate school on Barthes’ theory of jouissance and a particularly “pleasurable” long poem. Your piece reminded me of that. I think the book title is _The Pleasure of the Text_.
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Oh man, I wish we could have a long talk about your paper on Barthes one day. I just remember reading Mythologies and some other bits years ago and thinking he’s the real deal (in comparison to which many post-1960s theorists, including quite famous ones, seemed charlatans).
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I’ll have to look for it. I might take years. I fear it’s on one of those 3.5 floppy disks.
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Hahaha — 3.5-inch floppies 🙂 Good luck 🙂
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Ha!
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I may have sadness but your sunflower pics cheer my right up!
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That’s their job! LOL! Happy they cheered you!
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I’m not even sure “Are you happy?” is a useful question. The person asking it seems to be bent on evaluating the answerer rather than connecting with them.
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Pretty much.
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I remember a couple of times when someone asked how I was doing, and when I said, “Okay.” They asked what was wrong. Nothing in particular was wrong, I was just okay. And okay with being okay. This post was very therapeutic for me to read today. Thank you!
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I can’t believe “okay” was a problematic response. Aren’t we all [just] okay most of the time? Happy the post was therapeutic for you. Hugs!
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Hugs!
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Beautiful photo perfectly matched for your writing.
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Thank you!!!
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