Loss and grief are inevitable parts of life. We know this, but that doesn’t make it easier to manage. In fact, the inevitable is often a source of anxiety for some. Despite how ab-so-lute-ly awful it is, grief teaches us many lessons about life, love, and ourselves. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned.
- Love is more powerful than we can ever find words for or even imagine. We continue loving long after the person is gone.
- Grief is a journey for one. Others may grieve the loss of the same person, but not the same loss. Every loss is personal and the journey to healing individual.
- There is no “getting over” a loss, but eventually the wound will heal. As with all wounds, there will be scars.
- Grief stays with us. It morphs and shape-shifts until it settles into our beings.
- Eventually, we learn to live with grief, but our hearts may never stop aching.
- The gaping, person-sized hole inside never gets filled. We miss the person for the rest of our days on earth, but mingled with the pain will be fond memories and laughter.
- It is important that we find space to express ourselves and talk about our loved ones.
- We should never apologize for grieving, even if it makes others uncomfortable.
- The Divine draws closer to us when we grieve (Psalm 34:18).
- We learn how to sit in the dark and still believe in Light.
What lessons have you learned from grief?
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Than you for sharing this Chandra. These lessons are valuable ones to remember. The second one stood out to me. I think sometimes we do not completely grasp that. But yes it is different for each individual.
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Thank you for reading and for sharing. I perused your blog earlier today, and have made a note to read through the posts carefully soon. I love the little snippets I’ve read so far! Thanks for connecting!
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What an absolutely inspired list! Based on personal experience, I can say a loud, “YES! Amen!” to each one of these. So well and delicately put.
And since you asked, I sometimes have likened grief to an amputation. That is, part of who I am has been chopped off and is gone forever. In that context the phrase “grieving well” doesn’t mean expecting and waiting for that amputated limb to grow back. It means saying YES to that loss and ultimately learning how to live as the one-armed (or one-legged) person you now are.
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Right! I used to describe it that way when I lost my sisters. Thank you for sharing that and for your enthusiastic support of the post!
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I have been grieving the loss of my 8yrs younger sister for two years now. Grief does change as time goes by. But, it is still always grief. The thought of part of me being amputated really does describe it. She was the last of my original family. Her death has left me feeling so alone. I have no one to ask questions of about times gone by. Sadness lingers and I believe always will.
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Oh, I am so sorry for your loss, Jeanne. Sisters are so precious. I’ve lost two sisters over the last 9 yeas, so unfortunately, I am well-acquainted with that feeling that something’s been amputated. I am praying that you find a bit of joy despite the sadness and community in a thousand different, beautiful ways, despite the loss of the one other member of your original family. Hugs…
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Jesus understands grieving and invites us to come to him with our grief
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Yes, He does. Amen…
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I am still learning about grief. I have found that grief is very different depending on who the person is to you — friend, parent, grandparent, sibling… When my favorite Grandparent died, I was in my teens and was devastated. I grieve for her still. Thank you for posting these lessons. They are helpful.
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Thank you for sharing, Janet. It is definitely a different journey for everyone.
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Wonderful, thoughtful list Chandra. And your art today is fitting. Well, one thing that comes to mind, is how I can be doing fine, getting on with getting on. Feeling good, and then I see something, or hear something. And sometimes, I find myself bawling. And not just the on-the-surface teary eyes. But the throat clenching, deep, bawling. Grief is a constant companion. It’s just sometimes silent. xoxoxox
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Yes, yes, yes. Just out of nowhere…BAM! Praying for your comfort while on this road, Sheila.
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You have been in my thoughts and prays too my friend. xoxo
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Hugs…
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I am sharply and oddly aware of being alive when I’m most grieving the dead. Beauty is both stunning and sad. But as you say, grieving is a journey for one. I hadn’t known that, but yes, when I read it, I recognize it.
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“Beauty is both stunning and sad.” Wow. Hugs…
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Thanks. Appreciated.
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Reblogged this on Mitch Teemley and commented:
My Featured Blogger this week is Chandra Lynn of Pics and Posts. New Orleans-born, Alabama-dwelling Chandra teaches literature and composition at “a small liberal arts university.” Because she lives “the life of the mind” in her teaching, Chandra says, her blog is her escape, her place share things she’s captured with her camera. But don’t let that fool you. She captures things with her mind and heart too, as images and words on display here reveal!
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❤ ❤ ❤
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Powerful post Chandra. I first experienced grief when I was almost 8 in 1958, losing my 12 year old brother Larry when he was hit by a car. That significant loss in changed our family forever. Sixty-four years later I’m the only one left from my family of 5, but none have affected me as painfully as the loss of Larry…
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What do we learn from grief? That life is short and can change quickly, so make the best of it by not dwelling on what isn’t important in the long run.
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Indeed. Indeed. Thank you for commenting.
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Much wisdom here, succinctly stated. One additional lesson I’ve learned: God has his reasons for everything he does. “From him and through him and for him are all things” (Romans 11:36). That includes the deaths of loved ones, puzzling and painful as it is for those of us left behind. Praise God though, he’s provided the way for all of us to be together again for eternity, through his Son Jesus (John 3:16)!
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Amen. Thank you, Nancy!
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Excellent insights on our journey through grief. Your 2nd point really struck a chord with me. “Grief is a journey for one. Others may grieve the loss of the same person, but not the same loss. Every loss is personal and the journey to healing individual.” Thanks for sharing.
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Thank YOU. Thanks for dropping in and for reading.
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Excellent points, I’ve experienced so many of them. I would add that, with point #2, grievous events often tap into the past and trigger past losses. Grief echos into our soul.
But true, God can bring healing and calm the inner storm.
Thank you Chandra Lynn.
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Thank you for your insight, Lisa Beth. Grief echos into our soul. Profound, vivid thought…
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I started the grieving process for my mom a few years ago as she got lost in the fog of dementia. Although still on earth, the mom I once knew is gone. At the same time, I grieve for what has been lost of my beloved husband who can only sit in a chair or lie down in bed. I miss what we had together and at the same time I am so very thankful that he is still here with me. He will start hospice care tomorrow and the sadness in my heart can, at times, be overwhelming. The points you make in 9 and 10 are very real to me and that gives me hope. Thank you for your post and the insights you share.
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Oh Nancy, I am so sorry for these losses. Words fail me, but may you find comfort in the loving arms of the Divine. Many prayers and virtual hugs…
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Lots of wisdom here.
I think #2 gave me pause and made me think.
I appreciate your thoughts on a necessary topic.
God bless.
Peach
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Thank you! May God bless you too!
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Chandra, you’ve compiled a great list and have a beautiful blog.
Hmm. . . what have I learned from grief?
– God has used grief to polish and refine me.
– Scars can tell a story that testify of God’s greatness.
– Grief has given me greater empathy for others.
– God heals the brokenhearted as only He can.
God bless you.
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What i learned is..
1. It’s okay to feel what you feel like for me being mad. Just expressing it in healthy ways
2. The world keeps moving while you feel stuck. That’s okay, learn to give yourself the time to grieve and heal.
3. Living in your future self will be detrimental to your wellbeing overall but especially while grieving. Learn to live in the moments you are in everyday, love who you are and who you are with.
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Thank you for sharing what you learned. I read some of your posts on my phone last Friday. I will have to return to them to like and comment. I am incredibly sorry for the loss of your best friend. There are no words, but know that you are in my prayers.
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Thank you 🤍
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