The soul of the father
is steeped in joy. —Edward Guest
I have a secret.
It’s not a good one, but it’s one I’ve held in my heart all day. I wanted to talk about it, but I thought talking about it would make me sadder and make the listeners sad too.
Today marks one year since I last laid my eyes on my living and breathing dad. After spending nearly a week at home (in New Orleans)—with EMTs being called and hospital visits almost daily—my sister and I were about to drive back to Huntsville. Reluctantly. We visited him in the hospital and whispered our good-byes.
My heart aches when I think about our quiet good-bye. He deserved one last, good celebration, with a lot of fuss and hoopla.
I knew his sojourn was coming to an end, but I pleaded with God to restore his health and give him just a little more time–for all the selfish but lovely reasons.
Having been down this road twice before, I also I knew I was in denial. I prayed for the miracle, though He had already given the answer: It was time for him to rest. It was time to let him rest.
Six days later…he took his last breath at home (thankfully) and left a nagging ache that I have been processing for almost a year now.
I am learning how to walk in the world without him, to cherish his gifts and celebrate his joy. That’s the thing I carry with me when I miss him most. His joy—a joy that delightfully danced across his spirit.
My last gift to him–mere weeks before his death–captured that. At least, I hope it did.
Thanks for letting me share my secret. It feels good to let it out.
Pics and Posts 
Lovely, sis.
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Thanks, Bro…Hugssssss…
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Anniversaries and holidays will be hard, but good memories can bring tears of joy.
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Sympathy to you and your family, Chandra. I know it’s difficult.
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Thank you, Leah…Hugs…
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May you hold onto those sweet memories of him and may the Lord be with you as you navigate life without your dad.
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Thank you…Hugs…
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You should feel wonderful that your joy danced across his spirit every day of his life on earth. Nothing meant more to him that his wife and children.
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Awww…thanks, Fran. Hugs to you…
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I feel you, my sister. Next month, mark the two year, my daughter passed. May the love, rest on your heart deeply, the memories make your soul, breathe in the depth of his love!
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Oh no. I’m so sorry to hear of your own loss. My sincere condolences. Praying for your continual comfort and peace…
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Thanks, blessings!
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Feel your feelings. Remember the joy. And when the tears come, let them.
xoxoxo
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Thank you, Sheila. I know you understand. Hugsss…
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Prayed for you for God’s comfort. Grieving does not have a time table. The loss you feel shows the depth of the relationship you had with your dad and thankfully will reunite with one day in heaven.
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Amen. Thank you, Friend…
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I am glad you chose this forum to share the things that are on your heart. It is hard, but it helps. Praying for a growing sense of comfort and peace.
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Thank you. Sharing did allow me to exhale a little. Thanks for prayers…
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“I am learning how to walk in the world without him, to cherish his gifts and celebrate his joy.”.
This is beautiful. What a parent would want their child to do Chandra, this I know. May the joy he represented continue to visit and be enrich your life.
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Your father sounds like a delightful and wonderful man. I’m sorry you’ve lost him, but I’m so happy you got to say your goodbyes and that he left you a legacy of joy. He lives on through you.
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